The Power of Choice: 7 Steps to Designing Your Ideal Identity 👑

We are feeling a little ‘spicy’ today and really fired up to help you all, and remind ourselves, to check within and to be real about what we are choosing for our lives and why. Our beloved clients have been facing everything from pressures to have children, recent divorce fall-out, not feeling like they know who they are anymore, and all of this is on top of health issues such as IBS, high blood pressure, hormonal imbalances, low energy, and generally not feeling great. To get our life situations back on track, we must all start with an assessment. Don’t worry, we’ve broken it down into 7 steps to make it easier to digest.

The Importance of your Life & Wellness Assessment

While an assessment of our lives can be spurred on by a new year, a birthday, or a life transition such as a divorce, it can happen at any time. All of us arrive at a crossroads and realize that the path we’ve been treading has led to stagnation, poor health, lack of energy and possibly a lack of fulfillment. You might call it a crisis point as it is an extremely critical juncture that determines your life’s outcomes. There are two choices: either continue on the same path – because, frankly, it’s easier – and face the possibility of situations in your life getting much worse OR face the fear of staring down an unknown path, gather all the courage available to you, and start making those conscious foot steps towards your desired dreams and goals.

Is it easy? Of freaking* course not! We might wish to have a fun-infused foray into our heart’s true desires as we can lie in a hammock and breezily ask ourselves the question “hmm, what do I want for my future?”…but we typically arrive at crossroads with a sense of seriousness and urgency. So that the same question is laced with fear, or familial and societal expectations. That kind of contamination influences our choices and can crush our ability to live a more authentic life.

The importance of this assessment cannot be overstated. When faced with decisions that have the potential to shape our future and redefine our identity, we discover the immense power of choice. While voting with your dollar is a fairly familiar concept which means spending your money on products or brands that align with your values, each decision we make is a vote for the type of person we want to be. A decision to meditate or workout in the morning casts a vote in favor of being a more peaceful and fit person. Choosing to serve at a soup kitchen every week can create the compassionate, community-focused identity you desire.

Our choices lead us closer to our ideal identity and ultimately craft a fulfilling and authentic life that is true to our values. Let’s explore the transformative journey of designing your ideal identity, while highlighting the significance of choice and offering guidance to empower you on this path of self-discovery.

1. Embracing the Power of Self-Awareness

The first step in designing your ideal identity is to cultivate self-awareness. Take the time to reflect on your passions, strengths, and aspirations. Maybe do a values inventory. Ask yourself what truly matters to you? What brings you joy and fulfillment? Maybe it is family, health, truth, justice, helping others, or exploring the world. Grab a favorite beverage, sit quietly and start to listen to that still, small voice within. You maybe surprised at what pops up and you also might be hit with some hard truth you’ve been ignoring. This time spent understanding yourself at a deeper level provides a solid foundation for making choices that align with your authentic self.

2. Defying Societal Expectations

Does this idea make you squirm in your seat or does it feel like permission to unleash the actual true genius within? Maybe you were raised in a way that led to perfectionism, suppressing your own wants and desires, feeling like you couldn’t have/be/do what you really wanted, people-pleasing, and not speaking up for fear of breaking the uneasy peace in the household. This is not a denunciation of our families, societal or cultural upbringing; it’s more a means of understanding how we’ve lived and who we’ve been thus far in our lives. And now that you’re aware, you can choose differently – you can break free from societal expectations and external pressures. Maybe you choose to leave a “great” job as a high-powered executive to open your own bakery. Perhaps you decide to opt-out of ‘hustle culture’ and engage in smart and effective ways of working. Maybe you have a dozen children, ‘fur babies’ or decide on none. You might decide not to watch TV, to eat healthily, make a budget, have less than 300,000 possessions in your house, or anything else you see the majority of others doing (or not doing) and the undesired effects you want to avoid.

Designing your ideal identity usually means breaking free from societal expectations and external pressures. It requires courage to challenge conventional norms and to embrace your unique individuality. Give yourself permission to deviate from the path others have laid out for you and instead follow the path that resonates with your true essence instead.

3. Embracing Growth and Learning

Creating an ideal identity is an ongoing process that requires continuous growth and learning, as well as regular check-ins. Like a child or with a beginner’s mind, be open to new experiences, explore different interests and cultures, acquire fresh new skills. Growth is an essential element of designing your authentic identity. Allow yourself flexibility as you evolve and adapt new habits.

4. Embracing Vulnerability

Embracing vulnerability is an essential aspect of designing your ideal identity. It requires courage to be vulnerable and reveal your true self, as well as to let go of the fear of judgment. Cozy up to or embrace your imperfections, celebrate your uniqueness, and share your authentic voice with the world. Vulnerability paves the way for intimacy and leads to deeper relationships that enrich your journey.

5. Taking Ownership of Your Choices

*Gulp* yes, this one an be hard as we look at our past and the results we have in our lives thus far. Don’t beat yourself up, instead mine the past for gold – you can now identify, and change, the thoughts and habits that got you here. Every choice you make from this moment forward has the power to shape your identity. It’s an awesome responsibility to yourself but also a privilege – you have the ability to design the life you desire. You are now an active creator of your reality. Congratulations!

6. Embracing Resilience in the Face of Challenges

The path may not always be smooth, the sun may not always be shining as you embark upon your journey to be a healthier, fitter, happier person. As you navigate the path of designing your ideal identity, challenges and setbacks are inevitable. It is during these times that resilience becomes your greatest ally. Cultivate a mindset and support team to help you over come obstacles, adapt, an persevere.

7. Cultivating a Supportive Network

Surround yourself with a supportive network of individuals who encourage and inspire you on your journey. Seek out mentors, friends, professionals, and communities that share your values and can assist you in achieving your aspirations. Having a supportive network helps foster and nurture your authentic self.

Bottom line

Designing your ideal identity is a transformative and empowering journey that begins with recognizing the power of choice. By embracing self-awareness, defying societal expectations, embracing growth, vulnerability, and resilience, and cultivating a supportive network, you can shape your life into one that aligns with your true essence. Remember, each decision you make has the potential to bring you closer to your authentic self and create a life of purpose and fulfillment. At this crossroad, powerfully choose to step boldly into the journey of designing your ideal identity. Future you awaits!

*normally we’d use another word for extra impact and because we feel strongly, but our 7-year-old niece might read this

7 Steps to your Pantry Makeover 💖

Suffice to say, we’ve watched more than our fair share of Netflix and YouTube organization videos – in addition to reading books and listening to podcasts. We find it a nice blend of relaxing and also energizing as we see what is possible. Inspirational sources include: Home Edit, Marie Kondo, The Minimalists, Home Body, Cas the Clutterbug, and more.

As we tell our clients, it’s great to have lots of knowledge, but the transformation happens with implementation. So we first we absorbed and planned and then we took about two good hours and made this happen. If cleanliness is next to godliness, this was a religious experience. Drink the communal wine, play some music, and join us in these 7 steps:

1. Take measurements of the pantry. Height between shelves, depth of the pantry, length of shelving. This will serve you especially well if you are looking to optimize the space and for ordering containers that fit. Otherwise skip this step and proceed to step 2; while passing Go, do not collect $200 but save yourselves the extra three hours we spent here.
   
   
2. Pull ALL items from the pantry and clean. Yes, it will look overwhelming but will probably only take 10 minutes. We swept the kitchen floor and had the kitchen table cleared off for this moment. Once you’ve removed everything, take another 10 minutes to wipe down the shelves and clean the floor of any sticky gunk or errant crumbs.
   
   
3. Obtain containers. Use what you have already first; we pulled some from our office and basement. If you don’t have enough, and want the space to look more coherent and put-together, consider the containers that will complement, and fit, the space. This is the perfect opportunity to take those measurements and nerd out while shopping for the ‘perfect’ organizational materials. We ended up ordering a set of 3 clear plastic containers for the pantry (and another set of 4 stackers mainly used for the fridge; that’s another post), 1 small clear container with lid and wire bins for the bottom where we had more vertical space. We were able to get the two little tea bag holders from HomeGoods. Disclosure: some of the links are affiliate links or discount codes, meaning, at no additional cost to you, if you click through an affiliate link and make a purchase, we may make a commission.
   
   
4. Clean your bins and remove stickers. One of these Bino ones had such a sticky sticker that it smeared as we tried to clean it with essential oils, vinegar, metal scrubber – everything. If you have a hack for this, let us know. Otherwise, it’s being accepted as part of our perfectionism recovery program.
5. Pull expired food out to throw away. There will likely be some food waste; show yourself some grace and move on. Remember the FIFO system (first in, first out) for the future so that you rotate items with a sooner expiration date to the front and put your new groceries to the back.
6. Sort and Categorize. With all the pantry food you’ll have on the floor, start sorting them into categories that make sense to you. We have baking (rolled oats, flours, sweeteners), extra spices/herbs backstock, tea, oils & vinegar, snacks, potato bin, international cuisine items (e.g curry sauce, salsa), tomato sauce and paste, nuts and seeds, pasta and noodles, rice and broth, Mr. Chef specialty foods, our ‘superfoods’, and chips and crackers all in categorized bins or areas of the pantry. Your brain will know where to look and quickly grab the item when it’s all laid out this way.
7. Labeling – just do it. Create labels for the bins, shelves, and jars if you want to. We were going to make this step optional (and it still is if you live alone and understand your own system) but here’s the thing: your family, even those from your own DNA, aren’t mind-readers. Just because you’ll know where everything is, and think the organization makes sense, doesn’t mean they will. It might seem obvious that the item being searched for is in the ‘baking’ box, or that the tea needs to go in the clear container where all the other teas are hanging out but save yourself and your loved ones the frustration. Just label it. We created labels with brown paper, a scrapbooking punch tool, and some calligraphy (a hobby we enjoy). Do what works for you!

Now, take a break, relax, and snap a photo for Instagram (or comment below) to share. You did it! AND you’re taking getting organized now instead of waiting for 2022 to start. Gold star for you!!

❄️ Are you Frozen too? ❄️

One of the great joys of having young kids in the family is letting our own inner child come out to play. With the recent release of Frozen II in theaters, we thought this was the perfect time to relate this to being frozen in our own lives. Elsa the Snow Queen’s super-power is turning objects and people to ice. She can build icy bridges, stop an attack, and probably make ice cream whenever she wants (lucky). But her power has to be controlled. And while Elsa freezes things, we often freeze ourselves.

How we ‘Freeze’ ourselves

How do you relate with being frozen? In what area of life are you stuck? It could be around starting an exercise regimen, decluttering the basement or guest room, addressing the issues in your relationships, writing the book, updating the resume or asking for a raise. It could be in the area of health improvement, where we want to lose weight or become more plant-based, but we just can’t seem to begin or sustain our progress.

And because we are frozen, we just find ways to feel better about it. Sometimes we distract ourselves. Have you ever needed to study for a test and then looked at the messy state of your room and thought to yourself, “there’s no ways I can study in this environment”and then spent your study time detail-cleaning the room? We may distract ourselves with lounging in front of the TV, or spending hours on Facebook or Instagram. Numbing out with sugar, caffeine, smoking, or alcohol are also ways we try to make ourselves feel better about being frozen.

What makes this even worse is we put a layer of shame frosting on top. We start belittling ourselves and ‘wishing’ we were better. “Argh,” we think as we get up from the couch after 4 hours of watching Gypsy Sisters or Netflixing World War II documentaries, “I wish I had more motivation to have exercised today” or “I should have cleaned out the downstairs closet, it’s such a mess.”

Perhaps you can relate to unachieved goals, shame storms, and numbing out. Have you ever wondered what lies beneath?

What causes us to be Frozen

In a word: perfectionism. It sounds kind of beautiful, but it’s actually one of the worst words because of the meaning and effect it has in our lives.

It’s hard to say where our perfectionism comes from, but if you’ve ever grown up hearing someone say to you, “If you can’t do it right; don’t do it at all!,” that could be part of the origin. In essence, we are told that our actions, and even who we are, aren’t worthy unless perfect. What a toxic message to carry around with us in our lives.

Perfectionism tends to either paralyze us into inaction or cause us to go overboard and, consequently, burn out.

Why even start to clean the guest bedroom if we can’t do it ‘perfectly’ and we don’t have the five hours we believe it will take? Well, because you CAN make progress, even with 15 minutes of removing trash, clutter, and boxes. 

Perfectionism with our food usually looks like following a certain diet for a few days or weeks, then falling off the wagon and eating everything in sight. There’s an anti-dote to this that allows for sustainable weight loss; chat with us and find out more.

In short, perfectionism usually causes us to procrastinate, get overwhelmed, and shut-down or ‘freeze’.

What’s the cost of perfectionism? The cost is not getting things done at all, whereas we could have made progress. The cost is our inner peace; we don’t feel at peace when we feel stressed and frustrated by not having the time or ability to do something perfectly. Perfectionism can cost our relationships with other people. If you’ve ever yelled at a child or spouse because of a small mess or because they aren’t cleaning the ‘right’ way (your way) you can see the effect your perfectionism and words have on others. Also, and this is two-fold, if you value keeping your home environment museum-perfect over having your ‘messy’ grandchildren visit or if you feel like you can’t have visitors due to a messy, cluttered environment, your relationships with others will suffer.

Check yourself: next time you find yourself frustrated or overwhelmed by a challenge, look underneath that feeling to see if perfectionism is the undercurrent.

How to get Un-frozen

The power of un-freezing ourselves comes from realizing that progress > perfection. Initially, your belief in that statement will recoil. How could progress be better than that which is perfect? Well, considering the high costs and knowing something will never, ever truly be perfect….progress starts looking really good, right? Excellence, according to dictionary definition is, “the quality of being outstanding or extremely good.” If excellence means that we can take action, feel good about ourselves, and not get stuck, why would anyone choose perfectionism instead? 

A small step, taken consistently and continuously reaching toward our goal is better than no action at all. Perhaps you remember My 30-minute Morning Routine about how many people create obstacles for themselves to workout when 6 minutes of strength-training in your own home can still help you feel better and see results. But if you don’t learn to change your way of thinking, perfectionism will keep you hog-tied and frozen.

In Frozen II, Elsa’s sister, Anna, seems to display and embody more of the element – fire – in this movie. Here’s where we have an answer to thawing ourselves out and taking action. Fire motivates, it stirs passion, and, if uncontrolled, it will burn everything in its path. So the key here is to find your motivation and use it as the fire to propel you towards your goals, but without going overboard and burning out.

Motivation isn’t usually enough though, so consider other ‘hacks’ such as scheduling your workout. The 4 Tips to Fit in Fitness blog is a great place to start. When it comes to decluttering, check out our experience with the Konmari Method for inspiration and ideas to make it easier.

Want to write a book? Just start writing, imperfectly. A typo is not the end of the world; besides, there are opportunities to review and make edits (or have others do it!). Allowing perfectionism to rule in this area of your life means your story is never shared, in-print or online.

What’s one area of your life where you’re willing to become ‘unfrozen’ and warm up your ‘fire’ to take action?

Holy Cannoli! 4 Tips for Overcoming Fear of Failure

photo source: blog.richdadeducation.com

The curiosity of children seems to override their sense of fear as they learn to ride bikes, hang upside-down on the monkey bars and perform acrobatic tricks, as well as trying new foods. As the years pass, it seems fear and anxiety around the potential for failure increase. Through conversations with friends, posts on social media, and health histories, it appears as through many people experience anxieties about failure in their relationships and careers. In efforts to self-medicate, often they turn to food or medication, isolation, and unhealthy behaviors including addiction. Self-sabotage, perfectionism, low self-confidence, reluctance to try new unfamiliar activities are also symptoms of fear of failure.

So when the sick brick of gooey, black feeling of fear settles into the stomach, and anxiety increases the heart rate and causes jittery nerves, what can you do?

4 Tips of Overcoming Fear of Failure

1. Acknowledge the feelings and explore their origins (i.e. childhood or mistakes made as adults)
2. Remember the acronym: F.E.A.R. is False Evidence Appearing Real. Children eventually realize that ‘the monster in the closet’ was pure imagination; sometimes adults forget that they can choose between visualizing success as well as failure.
3. Assess the true risk and take necessary precautions. Check your safety equipment before you mountain bike, zip-line, or ski down a mountain. Learning to explore and evaluate possible outcomes can help build contingency planning.
4. Set small goals that will help you build your confidence. When skiing down a black diamond slope, sometimes it’s best to focus on the 20-30 feet ahead. Same with starting a new diet or exercise routine; start slowly and self-efficacy will soon increase.

Sometimes it’s best to feel the fear of failure and take action anyway. If you don’t get the desired result, there’s a silver lining of having learned something; if you do, remember the feeling of having overcome fear and turned it into a success – you’ll need it next time.