Client Spotlight: Lost 90lbs! 🎉

“I bought a size 8 in pants today. I used to be a size 18. I’ve dropped 90lbs (the same weight as my 12 year old!) and my last 5 pounds took a month to lose.

I feel wiser and I really appreciate you helping me think things through. When I started the program the first time, it was with the goal to lose weight as quickly as possible and stop feeling so bad about myself. I lost weight and slowly regained it because my mindset had not changed. This time around I realized that I needed the deeper healing approach and boy has it worked!

I cook much more than I used to and once a month I have a crazy meal where I have whatever I want. The weird thing is that I don’t treat it like I did before when I’d almost binge on my cheat day. I have what I want and move on with my day. Also, my taste buds have changed and old fast food favorites like a chicken sandwich and fries aren’t as good as I thought. Oh, and I think I’m getting to the point where I don’t like sugar. I avoided the cookie aisle but walked down it recently and nothing really appealed to me. I looked at soft chewy cookies, mint chocolate milanos, and Oreos but didn’t want them without milk. I left them all on the shelf and this would never have happened before. My last sweet was a doughnut from work and it took me a couple days to eat it. Because I don’t restrict myself, I don’t eat too much. I can eat soup or pizza for dinner and I feel good about my choices.

I’m dedicated to walking nearly every day and have looked for more adventures like exploring trails with friends. I know myself better too. My gym workout has to be in the morning or it doesn’t get done and I fight myself the rest of the day. I love the life binder you suggested and am trying to incorporate it more consistently. I love the structure of my mornings, my recipes, to-do list, and journaling. It’s repetitive probably but I like my meal options and not having to plan something on the fly.

What I love about working with you is that you help me get in to my own body and to examine my thoughts. What I carry with me is when you told me to trust the process and my journey, which has taken time. It felt like being pregnant and giving birth to my new self. Sometimes I felt like I was flying high and the weight was just melting off but other times I felt stuck at a plateau and was discouraged thinking I wouldn’t be able to move past it. You were able to guide me no matter the stage I was in and I always left our appointments feeling encouraged and ready to do my “homework.” This was never a Diet and you never let me give up on wanting better for myself.

My self-talk is healthier, my sleep is really good and menstrual cycles are better. I realize that in working with you that it was never about the weight I wanted to lose, it was about the life that I wanted to live and now am living. I love myself more and act like it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

Name withheld

Columbus, Ohio

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This client is a gem and a double-winner. The first time we worked together, this client was fresh off another ‘diet’ (read: deprivation state). She thought she needed less calories, more rigid meal-planning, harsher exercise – more of everything that was mean to herself in order to lose weight. Though she did lose weight the first time, the method wasn’t sustainable. As we often say, you can’t really hate your way into sustainable weight loss, but you CAN love yourself there. It was a message that wasn’t ready to be heard at the time, but in this last year we’ve seen the biggest, most beautiful transformation of this woman’s mind and SOUL…and the body has followed. When you’re ready to ditch diet mentality and love yourself into the body and life you want, we invite you to a complimentary, 20-minute Discovery Call to get started.

Put your Money where your Mouth is

Don’t actually eat money. It’s gross, illegal, and most likely has traces of cocaine.

What we really mean is to take actions in support of your statements of opinion or belief.

There’s a saying, “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” Our friends are a reflection of who we are or who we want to be. Guess what? The same could be said for food choices and how we spend money.

And, in this case, we invite you to be curious: where do you spend your money and why?

Just as a food diary can help us make many connections, including what we eat and why, a money audit can illuminate the reasons behind why you spend money and areas where the expenditures may or may not be in your best interest.

Take a look at your most recent receipts and credit card statements. Beyond the utilities, gasoline, and other necessary expenditures, what do you see?

Multiple instances of Tim Horton’s/Starbucks/McDonald’s or other restaurant visits?

Gym membership?

Cases of wine?

During this audit, reflect on your purchases. Do they support your purported beliefs? Are you comfortable with what you see?

We all spend money on what we value.

For some, it’s Louis Vuitton handbags or flashy cars. It’s the convenience and instant-gratification of fast food. Maybe it’s paying tuition for an education or for children’s braces.

Look at where your dollars go, for it will show you what you truly value.

No one buys mascara for the coloring and lengthening of their lashes. Mascara represents how we want to feel (beautiful, attractive) and what we want to have (confidence, love).

Look at all your purchases this way. What does the Land Rover, kale, or Diet Coke represent? What does it do for you?

Is it an investment? Is it aligned with your values?

We’ve done our own audit. Curious to see? Here are top expenditures (outside of paying for housing and Uncle Sam, of course):

1. Health – luckily not medical bills; we’re talking about preventative, joyful ways of bringing in delicious and nutritious foods, quality water & supplements, organic skincare, and self-care practices that keep us healthy (e.g. online yoga; pre-COVID massages and acupuncture). Why is this a value? We heartily agree with Emerson, “the first wealth is health.” We’ve been on the other side of health and it’s painful and not pretty.

It’s not just for us. If we’re not healthy, we can’t inspire and lead others to victory. So, this is a priority.

2. Education – there’s a reason we were in college for 10+ years…we love and value learning! As an ‘eternal student’ it’s not just formal education we’ve invested in. Our money flows into books, courses and certifications in everything related to health and nutrition – including herbalism, mindset, life coaching. Once again, our investment in ourselves here pays dividends to our families, community, and clients nationwide! Another core value is to acquire knowledge, wisely distill and teach best practices to our clients.

3. Support – this is a tricky one because of our (recovering) perfectionist mindset. The idea that we *should* DIY in all areas, including growth in personal and professional areas, isn’t really helpful to us anymore (though it did serve a purpose in early days of being a freshly-minted, deeply-in-debt dietitian). The biggest change we’ve made here is not wasting time burning the midnight oil and constantly information-gathering through watching webinars and reading books while being paralyzed, wondering how best to take action. We’ve hired multiple coaches this year for personal and professional development. Why?

Just like our clients, we don’t want to ride the cheap, smelly Struggle Bus for long hours to reach our destination only to arrive irritable, confused, and burnt out. Instead, we’re willing to pay more to fly first-class in order to arrive faster and to have a more luxury experience (seats that convert into beds, food from culinary experts) that leaves us refreshed, clear-headed, and ready for adventure.

Though we’ve consistently had a health coach since 2006, this year we’ve invested in TWO. Why? Because as our business has grown and we serve more clients, from a deeper and higher level, we need to ensure we are also nourishing ourselves with sleep, food, and mindfulness practices so that we keep our ‘glow’ and energy up. These investments in professional experts yield short-term benefits and, continuously compounded, provide long-term advantages.

Anyone looking at our financial statements would be able to tell that these are our top values.

Where did your dollar bills land?

Gently explore your money audit, without judgment. Choose one thing to improve. Tell us: how will YOU put your money where your mouth is?

Self-care: Simple Sugar Scrub

Winter’s dryness inflicts all sorts of maladies on our skin. Here’s our scrumptious 3-ingredient recipe to exfoliate your skin and help keep it smooth & hydrated. Give it a try this weekend to indulge in something other than, or as an adjunct to, binge-watching Netflix (we suggest Bling Empire – watch lives of luxury and feel luxurious).

Ingredients

1 cup raw turbinado sugar

1/2 cup olive oil

3 drops essential oil of your choice (we recommend peppermint to energize and uplift or lavender to help relax)

Instructions

Put sugar in small mixing bowl, add olive oil until you get to your desired texture, then add the drops of essential oil. Mix well. You may want to transfer the mixture to a glass or plastic jar.

In the shower, gently rub the sugar scrub over your body. Enjoy and follow with a bath or shower. Your skin should feel slightly oily because of the olive oil and soak in fully shortly afterwards. Employ safe shower techniques as the mixture can cause shower/bath to become slick.

Caution: do not exfoliate if your skin is sunburned, otherwise irritated or where there are cuts or sensitive areas. Always do a patch test first.

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White sugar, given what it does to our internal biochemistry, is best used on the outside of our bodies (hence, the Simple Sugar Scrub). Even if you don’t eat a pint of ice cream or drink soda every day, there is a very good chance you’re still getting more added sugar than is serving you. 

This is the time to explore how headaches/migraines, candida, digestive health, infections, fatigue, foggy thinking, and more have connections to sugar. Address the challenge of losing weight while you improve body composition, confidence, and experience more natural energy! Learn more & join our next challenge group.

In the Client Spotlight

“I was a little nervous that maybe you wouldn’t be very patient or understanding if I struggled with making some of the changes to my diet and lifestyle. Luckily, that hasn’t been the case at all!

• I have lost weight
• I have improved my body composition
• I have not had any more kidney stones *knock on wood*

I don’t dread seeing you like I would dread going to the doctor. You’re very friendly and easy to talk to! You’re extremely knowledgeable and I like that you give me background information about the foods. The recipes you give me are always quick, easy, and yummy! You’re also very understanding if I struggle with a certain area and try to come up with new ways to approach it that might work better for me. You’re also interested in aspects of my life outside of food.”

Results:

• I’m trying all kinds of new foods and recipes!
• I’m doing a better job at seeing connections between the foods I eat and how I feel after eating them
• I’m more conscious of food labels. Even though something might look healthy or be vegan it might actually be loaded with sugar, etc.
• I’m better about getting in bed early.
• I’m doing a better job at handling skepticism about my vegan diet from others.
• I’m more informed about a variety of issues such as GMOs and political intervention in the food industry
• I have developed new methods of handling my stress.

“I think many people are uninformed or misinformed about nutrition. Obviously, many people struggle with weight. I’ve been spending more time at the hospital recently because of my kidney stones and I’m always surprised by how many people are there. It definitely makes me wonder if some of their issues could have been prevented/improved by making different dietary choices. I think many lives could be improved by seeing a dietitian rather than just automatically turning to medication or just accepting their situation and not doing anything at all.

I would recommend YOU in particular because I think you’re really fun, knowledgeable, down-to-earth, and you really care about your clients!

If they [people] allow themselves to be open to new experiences and are receptive to your advice then this can really be life-changing! This is a great way to invest in yourself – this experience has really added a lot of value to my life!

You’re just all-around awesome and I’ve really enjoyed working with you!”

H.R., Foundations of Health Graduate

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Update:

We followed up with this amazing client and our work together from two years ago. Here’s what she wrote:

“I’m happy to report that I still haven’t had any more kidney stone incidents and rarely get sick anymore! I think both are mainly attributable to my healthier eating habits so I’m very thankful for you helping me find my way with that :)”

She has really made our work together the foundation of her life and is reaping the benefits, years later. This is a beautiful part of our mission of empowering others to live at a higher level. We are grateful for the trust you put in us and the process.

Are you Kind?

Since mid-spring, when feeling intrepid enough to head outdoors (usually still with a mask), we’ve found great fun in exploring little neighborhoods and parks within Columbus. On a recent walk, we found this sign and it has become an inspirational reflection point. It’s a great question to ask ourselves if we are kind, how we express it, and generate ideas of how we can further increase kindness in our communities and the world.

You First

Which brings in our next point, you can’t pour from an empty vessel. Like most things, change needs to start with us as individuals, within our homes, then expanding to our communities and causing a ripple-effect from there. If you think about the antonym of kindness, what is it? It’s not necessarily selfishness or arrogance, it’s meanness. Here’s the thing: if you bully yourself (see Are you a Mean Girl?), how could you possibly be nice to others from a well-spring of compassion and peace?

To neglect or express a rejection of one’s self while performing actions of kindness, usually leads to resentment while trying to people-please. Showing yourself some appreciation and renewing your self with sleep and nutritious food can better equip you to help take care of others.

Thought→ Action

Kindness starts with a thought and, ideally, ends with action. The action should flow naturally from the source, much like love expressed in words is sweet but is sweeter still when shown. Wishing that the world was kinder is a nice thought, but doing something to start little chain-reactions of kindness is better. Ask recipients of your kindness to ‘pay it forward’.

“If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?”- James 2:15-16. Translated into plain English, if you see someone in need and think or say to them “I hope you get the help you need” without endeavoring to provide any assistance, what’s the point? and his brother John provides the bottom-line:

“Let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.” – 1 John 3:18

Ready for Kindness-in-Action?

Be creative in your kindness! Sure, you could buy coffee for the people behind you in the Starbucks drive-thru but let’s dream beyond that.

Quarantine has afforded us time to take closer looks at the possessions within our four walls. Choose something to give away that you no longer need nor want, but that could help another. Shelters routinely need toiletries, combs and brushes, bottled water, twin bed sheets, towels, toilet paper, feminine hygiene products, and new underwear and socks. Animal shelters could use food, towels, toys, and more. What is extra for you may be essential to someone else.

Volunteer and offer a skill or service free-of-charge. Offer babysitting or to help home-school kids in the neighborhood. Maybe you’re great at graphic design and can help someone starting their new business. If you are a mechanic, offer your assistance. Volunteer an hour of time, or an afternoon, to a food pantry or soup kitchen. Handy with tools? Build something and donate it. Guess what? Even self-quarantining with Netflix binges, you can serve the greater good when you knit or crochet blankets for premature or stillborn babies.

If you’re on a budget, there are still plenty of ideas you could employ. Leaving a positive note or a review for a restaurant or small business can help them out. Let a family with small children go before you in line at the grocery. Beyond saying “hi” and our cursory interactions with others, take time and genuinely ask someone about their day; they are typically grateful that someone expressed an interest in their lives and well-being. Find a cause you’d like to support and take part in their upcoming charity race. Offer an intrinsic “your dedicated hard-work made this project look great” or extrinsic (e.g. “I love your shoes”) compliment to brighten someone’s day. Some say food is love; making a meal for your family, partner, or roommate can remove a task from their list and create positive feelings all-around. 

Remember, your small act of kindness can have a phenomenal ripple-effect. Big or small, what is one action you can take today to change your life and possibly the world?

Reward ≠ Food

Patient and client conversations can be a rich source of writing inspiration to address common concerns. As we discuss new changes, cravings, accomplishments and challenges, ideas start to percolate as we work together to find the best solution for the individual. If the same issue is mentioned by different individuals more than three times in relatively short succession, we can almost *feel* the universe tapping on our shoulder.

The latest recurrent theme among us all seems to be regarding emotional eating, over-eating, and reward-eating.

Let’s break this last one down. Why would we associate certain foods with a reward?

• • With thousands of years of evolution working for (or against) us, humans naturally crave sweet flavor. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors would get a little *ping* of dopamine by eating berries and other naturally sweet substances. The brain would reward eating this food, which some argue helped our ancestors survive by promoting fat storage to see them through the leaner times. This survival mechanism is all but unnecessary during the times in which we live, with plentiful food stores and sedentary lifestyles (when was the last time we burnt 2000+ calories a day hunting down buffalo?).

• • Reinforced behaviors from childhood that we keep repeating, see emotional ice cream.

• • When we have a deficiency of Vitamin L, we often look for food to comfort us.

• • An ostensible lack of other options or ideas for rewarding ourselves. We’ve leaned on food to give ourselves a pat on the back after a hard day in the office, for finishing a big project, or to relax after a full day with the kids finally in bed. After many years of this, we may have forgotten how to celebrate our accomplishments without cake, doughnuts, french fries, or chips.

After the sleeve of cookies is finished, there can be a poignant anxiety that settles in. Guilt and shame follow soon after and we feel terrible about ourselves. Then we say “what the Hades, I’m probably never going to lose the weight anyway” and keep going or we decide with firmness and determination, “starting tomorrow, no cookies ever again!” However, we all know how this plays out; the deprivation leads to cravings and the whole cycle begins anew.

When you eat, try eating to nourish your body and experience pleasure. Tying food to your reward-system will unravel advances in your health goals and, here’s the kicker, it doesn’t even work. By the time we are done with the chocolate chip cookie party, we only temporarily feel sated before we either look for more sugar (during the ‘down’ of our blood sugar rollercoaster) or we feel guilty…..which drowns out what ephemeral feeling of pleasure we got from the food in the first place.

By having some non-food rewards instead, or at least sprinkling them into your current routine, you can start to challenge the ‘need’ for something sweet and, instead, ‘treat’ yourself ‘sweetly’ (double puns, couldn’t resist :D). Here are a few ideas to get your started on non-food rewards:

“One Bite Wellness to WOW” – In the Client Spotlight

“One Bite Wellness to WOW!”

“In the past, on many occasions, I would start/sign-up for a program or class, quickly start procrastinating on beginning/keeping up with and/or finishing assignments, therefore I did wonder if working with you would be different? So, I was hesitant to invest the time/money for this reason. Would this be yet another “good intention” gone awry?…

The results I have achieved have been PHENOMENAL! I called you because my cholesterol was too high and my dr asked me about going on statin meds. In addition, I have been on a diuretic to “control” my blood pressure for about 25 yrs. I felt I could normalize my biometrics without meds, however knew that I needed Accountability and Support to do so.

Never in my WILDEST Dreams, did I Expect to find : A New Calling: Wellness Advocate/Coach: A New Passion: Cooking ( from scratch) I had never learned to cook. A New Dream: Be a Senior Olympian. These are a by-product of working with you, and Following-Through.
One has to make the changes, a little at a time ie….one bite…
I am living the whole-food plant-based lifestyle.
I am 15 lbs lighter, and my cholesterol has normalized.
My bp was getting too low and I was tired…..
Last week, my dr said: “I think your lifestyle has kicked in” you DON’T need this medicine anymore……You are really doing the work! Congrats….keep going. I just hugged her……and grinned for 2 whole days.
25 YEARS…..ON SOME DOSAGE OF THIS MEDICINE!
Long enough to raise a child!!!! I am Thrilled…..NO MEDS!
I will need to update my wardrobe…..all my clothes are Too Big!

I love your “presence”, listening, reflecting back and your unequivocal SUPPORT! I Know that you live a healthy lifestyle, and that you care that I too live a healthy lifestyle. You’re in my corner!

I loved that we chatted about career….did not expect that, nor did I expect to Want to pursue another career, at this point (semi-retired). I feel compelled to pursue wellness advocacy for the benefit of  us “baby boomers”

My whole mentality has changed. I am becoming More of who I came to Earth, to Be.

As I’ve released weight, I have stopped “hiding” from myself and others.
I am healing emotionally from earlier hurts, because I am taking better care of myself, eating good food, exercising, relaxing, and resting, when tired.
I rarely eat out anymore, and I used to go to a fast food place every other day
I was happy with our sessions and your prompt follow-up. Loved being able to connect in person, and/or by phone. I’m just Thrilled with my results.

As I said earlier, You are Your Clients’ “Champion”
You are Supportive, and of course, as a great coach, you guide a person to find their own Truth. You recognize that great potential within each person.
You are Authentic, Prompt, and Keep your Word!

I Totally Now Realize the VALUE of Having a Great Team and How Important it is to Invest in One’s Health. Without good health, the Rest doesn’t seem that important. Also, if you had not shared the recipes and encouraged me, I might never have tried to cook……..what a loss that would have been…..It is my New Spiritual Practice! I get great ideas while cooking…..in the silence and joy of seeing a new creation….from a few or many different ingredients.”

Blessings of Abounding Health
Jasianna
Client, Foundations of Health Graduate

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In just a few short months, Jasianna has changed her whole life. She decluttered her home and her old habits of candy, fast food, and junk food as she added in more cooking, physical activity, and a new career. We are certain that, with her determination and follow-through, she will qualify for the senior Olympics and look forward to watching her shine!

Our mission on earth is to help guide others on their life paths. Every time we see a client after they’ve tweaked a couple of recommended changes such as drinking less juice/soda/alcohol, getting better sleep, adding in (fun!) physical fitness…we see the changes in their eyes, face shape, energized speaking and livelier movements…and then we hear about how their clothes are fitting better, they enjoy cooking, their friends and family telling them how fantastic they look, and we share in your happiness.

Also, during one of our sessions, Jasianna mentioned how her doctor, the nurse, and friends were exclaiming how fabulous she looks…and how she appreciates herself. “Everyday after my shower, I look at myself in the mirror…I see my arms…waist and I can see the difference. I look fabulous and I’m really proud of that.” If only everyone could experience that same sentiment upon seeing themselves naked, especially those 60+ years old!!

To our clients:
Honestly, we just love you guys. We brag about your successes as if we were your parents :D. Thank you for trusting us to guide you on your journey and letting us celebrate with you; it is pure joy.

In the Client Spotlight!

Behind every client success story is a normal person who has been frustrated with some aspect of their health or body. They start out worrying that “it won’t work for me” but they also have hope and, as we work together, they trust the process and themselves more. It’s a beautiful thing to witness over the course of months or years. Here is part of Lauren’s experience.

“The only hesitation I had was that working with you would actually make me accountable, which was obviously a good thing, but I knew it would force me to really be honest with myself.

I have lost weight and inches, but also have a better understanding of how my body works and what to eat to fuel my body in the best way for me. I have alternatives to snacking and really have a better picture of how I want my future to look.

I really liked that you were realistic. You didn’t tell me to never eat sweets again, but to find better alternatives or ways to resist the urges. Our sessions almost felt like counseling sessions, which I really enjoyed. You also made me see that I have a lot going on in my life right now so any step in the right direction is progress and that I should celebrate all accomplishments, no matter how small.

Our sessions definitely helped me keep on track. I didn’t want to “screw up” too bad and then have to tell you about it! Lol!

I would recommend your services to anyone who is looking to make lifestyle changes, not just dietary. You get out what you put in. The more open the client is, the better their time with you will be. I truly enjoyed every session and feel as though I have a great foundation to continue making changes. ” – Lauren Griffin, Columbus, Ohio

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You know the people in your life who have a lightness of being about them, even when they are going through tough challenges? Lauren is one of those people. She’s upbeat and positive, even when life has thrown a few curveballs.

She’s cleaned up her diet and, with the help of the MRT test and LEAP protocol, has identified foods that serve her better than others. She’s reported much less craving for sugar and more control over it. Other results: more energy, physical activity, life balance, and building in more self-care. She also mentioned losing 15lbs and feels leaner, her clothes fit better, and there’s generally less bloating.

It has been an honor to help guide Lauren through these changes and to see the results she has achieved – her life has truly transformed since early 2019.

Curious to see what better nutrition and lifestyle habits can do for you? Start your positive path with a complimentary 20-minute Discovery Call

 

YOU: President for 2020

No matter who you voted for U.S. president in 2016 and who you plan to vote for in 2020, we urge you to consider voting for YOURSELF this year.

What do we mean? Well, while you can write yourself into the ballot, that’s not exactly what we’re referring to.

During the 10+ years we’ve been working with clients, often what is mentioned along with their health goals is that they are tired of putting themselves on the back burner….and by having done so, they feel like they’ve landed in their current situation with regards to weight, cholesterol levels, thyroid issues, stress and burnout.

We first congratulate and acknowledge how hard that transition is from being the burnt-black pot on the back burner to being the pot that now gets the attention. Think about the mean of the words “on the back burner.” When you put something on the back burner, you have decided it’s a low priority. You’ve deemed it not immediately important. And so what happens? The pot keeps simmering away and is ignored until you either walk by and remember to tend to it, or it runs out of liquid and you wonder where that burnt smell is coming from. Once a pot or pan is is scorched, it takes a lot more scrubbing to clean it and return the utensil to its previous state.

It’s the very same with our health – (remember Quiz: Body Mindfulness)? Oftentimes when we aren’t in acute pain, we defer the care of our body, we make it a low priority while we juggle ‘more important things’ and busyness on the front burners. It’s only when we have a migraine, are running to restroom and having abdominal cramps, are burnt out and fatigued, or have an acute cavity that we look past the front burners and start to pay attention to ourselves. Think about the pots or pans you have on the back burner – is it your health? Your relationship? Your career?

Why do we operate this way? Human psychology is such that when things are going well, we tend to assume they will follow that same path. We tend to not really *love* change and often we won’t do something different until the pain of not doing so is greater.

And it’s not just you! If you haven’t read The Person Behind the Professional, you’ll see the pain endured and how the health transformation was made:

“As I rose into the role of president of my own life, I knew I still needed a cabinet- a group of experts who would help me achieve a higher state of health. I hired acupuncturists & massage therapists and have consistently had a health coach who inspires me and keeps me accountable to my health goals. Having a health-minded partner and friends is huge in this area too. No (wo)man is an island.”

By building a cabinet of trusted advisors and coaches, you are able to super-charge your success and reach new states of health and vitality previously unimagined.

No matter what this year holds for the presidency….you can always cast a vote for yourself, gather a cabinet, and have the support to level-up in 2020.

Your nutrition expert and coach will assist and guide you on your path to looking and feeling great! Schedule a complimentary 20-minute call to get started.

 

 

 

The Mother’s Day Hangover

Image source: found on Pinterest and Facebook, artist/origin unknown

Despite what Facebook and Instagram would have you believe, Mother’s Day is not all balloons, flowers, cards, love and chocolates. For many, the hangover following this holiday is in full effect. Around Mother’s Day, there can be difficult conversations and experiences that are often not acknowledged.

This graphic is the perfect illustration for some of the feelings experienced by those who didn’t have the societally-normalized Mother’s Day.

Starting from the top left – mothers who have lost children. How difficult this day is for those who lost a child or children. Perhaps it was a child they never met alive, one who was miscarried or stillborn. Or a child who died after spending a few years on earth. It can be very challenging to celebrate your special day when the child who made you a mother is no longer here….or never came to be.

Those who have lost their mothers have Mother’s Day as a reminder of how much they may miss them. It’s not an easy day celebrating the memory of your mother without being able to hug or talk to her anymore.

Have a strained relationship with your mother? A mother’s day Facebook feed of people who call their moms their best friends could be difficult to see when you and your mother have historically butted heads or not seen eye-to-eye. You may wish it were different and that you too could fully celebrate your relationship with your mother. Vice versa, maybe you’re a mom who has not been able to fully connect with your own son or daughter in a way you had always hoped. This day can be a reminder of that disappointment.

It’s not a popular decision but there are women (and men) who chose not to have children. Incomprehensible though it may be to some in society, it’s still a valid, though often not validated, choice. These people, women in particular – who choose not to have kids- have their own battles. Their decisions are questioned by others, especially around Mother’s Day.

On the other side of that same coin are women who are desperate to have children. They’ve been through painful egg retrievals, suffered the side effects of Clomid and other fertility drugs, IVF, and at the very sign of their cycle starting, realize their efforts were all in vain. They grieve the glimmer of the dream they temporarily had, hoping that this time, the pregnancy would stick. They feel betrayed by their bodies and wonder ‘why me?’. They find it difficult see babies or pregnant women in public, and to celebrate others’ baby showers, though they do.

Beyond the above illustration, there are mothers who didn’t necessarily want to become mothers, or who had a very different idea of what raising children would be like. Their sense of fulfillment is lacking and they feel that there is no one to whom it would be safe to vocalize these feelings.

Though the causes may differ, what all these women have in common is their pain around mothers and motherhood.

As with any other hangover, there are things that help it along, like water and easy-to-digest food or taking a nap. For the mother’s day hangover, perhaps treat yourself to some quiet, recuperative time. Indulge in a face mask and hair treatment. Take a nice warm bath. Be gentle with yourself about your feelings; acknowledge them without judgment. Talk with a confidante about your frustrations as a mom, with your mom, or with attempting to become a mother.

Sometimes the best way to get out of a sad mood is to help another. Imagine the sorrow of the divorced mother whose ex-husband kept the children with him and their new step-mom during the Mother’s Day holiday. Maybe suggest a walk or bike ride together in a beautiful park. Support a friend who you know struggles with her complicated relationship with her mother….or one whose mother has died.

Whether you were or weren’t treated with a bouquet of roses or breakfast in bed, your joy or pain is valid, your story is important and it matters.